“The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity.” -Seneca (Roman philosopher, mid-1st century AD)
To be honest I am not so sure where to start on this one; I’ve not really even started dealing with the death of my grandmother. Not so much because I don’t want to deal with it or anything, but more because I end up spending more time trying to look after and be strong for those it effects. So I tend to push my feelings about it down for that reason alone. It’s been years since the death of my grandma Cox, uncle Jimmy, and Earl, among others including friends that have either killed themselves or died from accidents and the such and am not sure if I’ve dealt with their deaths as well. Maybe it just doesn’t effect me like it does to those around me? I don’t know if I can honestly say if it’s because of my faith in and knowledge of the Gospel because I haven’t always had it; though I never felt like death was the end for us all. On the opposite end; one of my biggest fears is when my parents will pass or something happening to my wife or my daughter. With that said, maybe it’s because I’ve never really been around my extended family for a variety of reasons that I will not go into here; though I’ve always yearned to be closer to them. I personally don’t seem to fear death per say; more about how I would die. When I have panic attacks they are so much worse because they feel like heart attacks, so those and a stroke scare me, so does dying while doing something stupid that would make my family feel embarrassed or mad at me for. Cancer, depending really on how fast it would take me and if I could get a hold of some medical marijuana for it; yes I know I’m not supposed to be that way, but if it helps with cancer then I’ll just have to use it for medicinal purposes and try “really hard” not to enjoy it or listen to Bob Marley while I do HA HA HA HA!
I believe that everything I write is recorded in Heaven, so I know my grandma will read this. So Grandma, I’m sorry because I started off making this one all about you but it seems to have evolved into more then that but let’s talk about you next.
My grandma Parr passed on about a week and a half before my first daughter was born after battling the last few years of her life being almost one constant trip to the ER for anything from emergency surgery, or blood transfusions because of heart issues. She’s got to be one of the most tough and stubborn to live women I’ve ever know and is a strong influence for me because of that example. Because of this I am actually still in shock that something short of a atom bomb finally took her Home. What did take her Home was a major and sudden stroke on a beautiful Sunday little over a month ago. In addition to being tough as nails, she is a awesome cook; I loved and will miss her sugar cookies she used to make me as a kid anytime we’d visit. Her carrot cake she made me for my birthday a couple of years ago was the best I’ve ever had. Honestly everything she cooked was magic, except her bacon (sorry grandma). I remember one time as a kid, she made us all breakfast and she got so mad at me because I refused to eat her bacon because she cooked it till it became super hard and dry. I know now she did it for health reasons but as a kid all I could think of was “yuck”. I wish I remembered more of the times we had together because most where as a kid. Between when we moved here to Utah in 92′ until about 4 years ago, I never saw them. I will always remember her birthday cards to me and how she always asked me to write her which I am sorry to say I was terrible at. Honestly I wish I would have called more. She really knows our family history and I loved and relished every moment I had with her when she would tell me everything about us. I just wished I would have taken notes because I don’t remember even a quarter of it. I love you grandma, and I am glad you are no longer suffering and know that I anxiously await to see you again so you can introduce me to everyone in our family you’ve told me about.
|Grandma and Grandpa Parr and baby Brad in 1981|
|Grandpa and Grandma Parr from I assume back in the 70’s some time. They are a handsome couple.|
|Second to last time I visited Grandma, Grandpa, and Bitsy. In 2010 or 11.|
Grandma and Grandpa Cox.
I hate to say this, but I really don’t know much about my grandparents on my mom’s side. What I do know and what I remember, I will always cherish and I look forward to the day when I can sit down with them both and talk to them about who they were on earth and who they are when I see them again. What I do know and remember are things like my grandpa Cox used to love watching cartoons, mostly Looney Tunes while sipping on Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and sitting in his favorite brown leather seat that over time was so cracked that it pinched you every time you sat in it. Honestly I know my love of cartoons comes from him and his influence. He died before I even turned 7 so that’s all I really remember about him. My grandmother though was around until I was 19. She loves me so much and I know that because of two things she made me. Mind you she lived on a very limited income so she mad due with what she had. So back when I was little I was a huge Ghostbuster fan and really wanted two things; a Ghostbuster uniform with my name on it and set of Ghostbuster sheets for my bed. So considering that she didn’t have the money to buy them for me, she did the next best thing, she made them for me. She took a plain set of white sheets and used permanent markers to make them Ghostbuster sheets (it must have taken her forever to have done that). For the uniform she used a pair of Dickies coveralls and stitched a Ghostbuster insignia and a name badge.I hate to admit it but at first being the spoiled brat I was, I didn’t appreciate it. Thinking that the real things would have meant that she loved me more I totally didn’t realize just how much more her effort showed that she did. That was until my mom and dad explained it to me and gave me one of the worse guilt trips I’ve ever had. After I started realizing this for myself I came to love whats she gave and did for me so much more then just about anything I had been ever given. After that I was a Ghostbuster every year for Halloween and would wear the uniform almost everyday until I couldn’t zip it up anymore and the legs and arms about covered half of my arms and legs. Even after I out grew it I still wouldn’t get rid of it. I wish I had both still, I lost them from Hurricane Andrew except the pillow case from the sheets which I had hidden under another pillow cover until it pretty much fell apart. Grandma Cox was the person who gave me my first copy of the New Testament. It was a little green pocket edition published by the Gideon group. I still have and cherish it.
I don’t really own any pictures of my grandparents so I can’t really publish any here.
I love you three, have fun up there, until we meet again!